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Friday, 27 April 2012



The evening of 23rd April is etched on my mind and in this solitude of my hostel room I am revisiting it once again with a longing as if it is just happening!
      Its my home.Dusk has fallen. People are coming. The main door is opening and shutting. I am waiting anxiously. I check myself again and again. All is perfect. I am ready to join the crowd. The room is as if expectant. This is what I've dreamt. Large bouquets are placed by mom at strategic places. Colourful flowers and lush green leaves. Stiller, statelier. In their fragrance I begin to unfurl like a silken ribbon. I enter. I look around. The same known faces. Everybody neat and trim. Well-dressed for the occasion. As if the celebration of my birthday is a welcome excuse for them to flaunt themselves. They haven't come here for me. They have come for my dad and mom and my parents haven't invited them  to celebrate my birthday but rather to keep all these their good contacts in good humour! I have been specifically told to celebrate my  birthday bash with my friends separately the next day. I don't have any say in how to celebrate my own birthday and this is nothing new to me. So i don't complain, neither do my friends.They too have similar parents. The so-called 'upmarket' high-profile crowd, all prim and proper, who won't allow us girls to let our hair down in their presence. So be it.
       But still, I  want just one person to attend this party today: my Albert. He too belongs and doesn't belong to this crowd like me. His parents are invited, so he is an invitee too and my dad is helpless about it. But he is away at Paris, yet he has promised me to come.I am just waiting for him only.
             And then he comes! As if the whole drab room lights up on his entry! A pleasant shiver runs down my spine. I flutter. I ripple. Like a delicate algae floating in a stream! He comes towards me. This is the moment I've been waiting for. He is here! He stands by my side. The music is now playing. I yield to its flow and stream along with its rhythm in the arms of my Albert.
                  now I don't care for anything n the world. I don't care for anybody save this man whose name is etched on my heart. I am least bothered whether we are acceptable to this crowd as a pair or not. We are a pair this very moment and that is all hat matters. I certain defiance wells up in me. I deliberately take a thin-stemmed glass and sip. I wince as I drink this fiery  yellow liquid. Its scent,radiance and heat percolates through me. It gives me a certain relief. I want another glass but Al refrains me from that with just one smile. But a certain slackness and indifference has invaded me. I lose consciousness of the other people around us. As it is, I have stopped thinking myself to be a part of them. I know their world is immune from change. But my world is meant for change. I myself ave now changed. I am no more a teenager now. I am a woman of twenty and i will mould my world as I like. My Albert will always be there for me. I am going to change only for him. 'Happy Birthday, my Elle" Al whispers softly into my ear. I cling to him. I know I've found my own world.


  1. Dear Elle,
    I would like to take this blog as an advise. I too have a little girl, and soon she will grow up to be a lady...I am afraid, now as I have read this, that I might be alienating her away from the life she want to live. I'm kind of a strict parent too. Maybe I could give her "more" space to be herself. She's the kind of girl who want to explore everything, adventurous, and sometimes inquisitive But I expect her to be sweet prim and proper. The same goes with my be a gentleman etc...
    Am I molding them to the image I want but they doesn't prefer?
    To your parent, I think, I understand them...and I admire you for being a good girl that evening, it just show that your mom and dad know what they are doing. They made you a respectable lady...don't let that feeling of defiance overtake you, just a little communication with them will do. I admire Albert for reminding you the boundaries...
    Anyway, it's your b-day and you should be happy. At least, you have a separate date with your friends. Enjoy Life!!!

  2. Aww so sweet. Hope you had a wonderful birthday!

  3. We all have to find our leads us as we grow up and make our choices...hopefully, along the way we stay young at heart...embracing the many journies of Love...and the flutter in our hearts....each day is special...especially Birthdays...Always...

  4. Words from your heart and soul - never lose the passion Elle.

  5. a very touching memoir Eliza.Some thoughts that came to my while reading it-Sometimes...we dont get what we actually desire....and sometimes we get what we actually hope for....
    but its always has that special bond in life which makes you more strong:)